Sunday, July 12, 2015


My 1st qiyam this Ramadhan. A lot of obstacles I need go through.

Mister wants to qiyam at Masjid Hang Jebat on weekends. When we reached the mosque, there is no Muslimah not even 1. I qiyam alone in the Muslimah prayer hall?!!!! Eh dowan eh. Thankfully the Mister understands so we u-turn back to Al-Mawaddah. Not that I have never pray alone in a mosque. I have in fact a few times in different mosques. But Hang Jebat mosque is an old kampung mosque iscared ok. A lot of lizards somemore where to run.

I get very emotional today. The feeling of regrets. Things that I've done. Things I should not have done and things I'm suppose to do but not do. The clock is ticking I feel so so scared. I feel so full of sin. Will my Ibadah valid? Are my point enough? What am I doing? Am I sure what I am doing? I am doing everything I can in my will for Allah SWT. Insya Allah Amiin. 

Remember the love ones that are no longer with us.  This dzikir especially reminded me of that special someone 

Allahyarham Abdul Manaf Bin Sanoesi
Allahyarham Amir Bin Enjah
Allahyarham Md. Hidayat Fikri
Allahyarham Raijab Bin Mohd
Allahyarhan Syed Mohd Alhabshee
Allahyarhamah Rahmah Binte Abdul Hamid

How I remember them:
My late father My beloved My first love 
My late grandfather such a lovable man
My late uncle soft spoken and humble 
My late cousin selfless 
My late father-in-law I have never meet you but I know you are a great guy as your son is to me
My late grandmother how I miss her so much. She gave me love, she gave me her time, she gave me her attention, she was my everything.
I hope I will beable to meet them inhereafter Insya Allah. May we be granted jannah, may we be put with the people that are love by Allah. Insya Allah Amiin Yarrabbal Allamiin.

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