That very last lap for Ramadhan 1436H

While some of us are having our beauty sleep, some are still out working, some are out there doing stuff and a small fraction are making their way to the mosques for qiyam or performing qiyam at the comfort of their homes.

So what are we doing this morning? Is it worth while? Have we thank our creator for the life HE loan us? Are we thankful that we are breathing now? Walking? Thinking? Moving? How are we thankful? What are we doing to be thankful? Or it's just a lip service. 

Be thankful. Make it worthwhile. We won't be here forever. Will we get to meet the next Ramadhan? Look around. You see familiar faces but some you no longer see them. 

That last lap made me think so much. My heart aches knowing that this is my 2nd last qiyam for 2015 Ramadhan and last tarawih before you know it Ramadhan will leave to make way for Syawal. 

So how am I performing? As much as I want to achieve more there's only so much I can do. I regret not doing more with my time. Be more focus. Perform my fardu, sunat and qada' with sincerity. 

Making lots and lots of duas hoping Allah hears it. It's the month where all sincere duas will be answered. I'm hopeful. 

I pray for health, strength and patience. May he protects my soulmate, my mother, my brothers, my in-laws & my friends. May HE bless them with health and strength to do ibadah. Amiin.

I apologize if what I wrote hurt the readers emotionally. That is not my intention. My intention is to write how I feel and for me to reflect on myself and what I promise myself to do. 

I seek forgiveness if my words said otherwise. May Allah bless you. Amiin

Moonlight

My 1st qiyam this Ramadhan. A lot of obstacles I need go through.

Mister wants to qiyam at Masjid Hang Jebat on weekends. When we reached the mosque, there is no Muslimah not even 1. I qiyam alone in the Muslimah prayer hall?!!!! Eh dowan eh. Thankfully the Mister understands so we u-turn back to Al-Mawaddah. Not that I have never pray alone in a mosque. I have in fact a few times in different mosques. But Hang Jebat mosque is an old kampung mosque iscared ok. A lot of lizards somemore where to run.

I get very emotional today. The feeling of regrets. Things that I've done. Things I should not have done and things I'm suppose to do but not do. The clock is ticking I feel so so scared. I feel so full of sin. Will my Ibadah valid? Are my point enough? What am I doing? Am I sure what I am doing? I am doing everything I can in my will for Allah SWT. Insya Allah Amiin. 

Remember the love ones that are no longer with us.  This dzikir especially reminded me of that special someone 

Allahyarham Abdul Manaf Bin Sanoesi

Allahyarham Amir Bin Enjah

Allahyarham Md. Hidayat Fikri

Allahyarham Raijab Bin Mohd

Allahyarhan Syed Mohd Alhabshee

Allahyarhamah Rahmah Binte Abdul Hamid

Al-Fateha

How I remember them:

My late father My beloved My first love 

My late grandfather such a lovable man

My late uncle soft spoken and humble 

My late cousin selfless 

My late father-in-law I have never meet you but I know you are a great guy as your son is to me

My late grandmother how I miss her so much. She gave me love, she gave me her time, she gave me her attention, she was my everything.

I hope I will beable to meet them inhereafter Insya Allah. May we be granted jannah, may we be put with the people that are love by Allah. Insya Allah Amiin Yarrabbal Allamiin.

How I plan to spend my Ramadhan this year

Not my usual food entry. This entry to remind myself what I have promise myself

1. To better my prayers

2. To read and understand the Quran

3. To reflect

4. To repent

5. To do Qiyam

6. To cherish this Ramadhan as if it is my last (hopefully not)

7. To spend quality time with family

8. To make lots of duas 

9. To kick bad habits (less talk|less social media|sleep more 😁)

10. To enjoy Ramadhan peacefully

At the end ... I would want to be a better person a better muslim. Every year I set a target for myself and I did not managed to do even half of it. It's depressing. This year I am so full of hope. My desire to at least memorise and understand some surahs (I'm still working on it) 

A few days ago ... I add Juz' Amma on my YouTube playlist. I was surprised that how this surahs calms me. So in my to-buy-list ... Novel Maid and Juz Amma with translation.

No more slacking. No more stoning. Allah loan me this life and I really want to make the best of it. The best of Ramadhan. Insya Allah. 

May I be focus and discipline. Insya Allah Amiin